On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
