im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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