I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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