And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
