cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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