whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
