you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
