I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i need some magic done to my vagina
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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