you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
