I cannot find my penis.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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