I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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