'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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