yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
