drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
