sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize