I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
