the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
