operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
