she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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