so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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