We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
