I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
