hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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