I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
