i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So much rum. So many feels.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
