Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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