I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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