bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize