Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize