Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
