Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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