I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
