I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
