clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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