and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
