census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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