I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
