One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
