He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize