the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
