i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
