her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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