I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
