My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
