this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
