My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
