I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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