ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
