when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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