Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
worst night to have a conscience
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
