Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
