he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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