Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
