we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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