Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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