i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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