Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
