Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
