Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
