remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize