take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
