I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
