I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize