I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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