at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize