So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
